Monday, 26 July 2010

It's OK

I don't know what's up with me but I seem to have had a few more 'meaningful moments' this last few days, from the simple moments of relaxation at a community picnic where Molly could run off and be free with her friends and practise circus skills whilst Max and I sat on a blanket surrounded by people enjoying just sitting on the grass picnicking with their families.

To walking into the living room expecting to find Simon on the phone when in fact the gentle rumble of his voice I'd been hearing was him sharing a story with our enthralled son all relaxed ready for bed.

Saying goodbye and thank you to a much appreciated professional as she moves on to pastures new but at the same time welcoming new friends into our consciousness and mobile address book making plans for the term ahead and for mutual support!

Enjoying the sweetest (in so many ways) hot chocolate made and served to us by examples of pure determination and achievement in a tiny little cafe / bakery which I will from now on be frequenting with as many friends as possible to surround myself with the magic which comes with that little extra chromosome, where Max's nose will be tweaked so gently and with such joy and where all are welcome and accepted.

Enjoying just being with my husband, just Simon and Vicki at a wedding of his colleagues, watching and joining the revelry and laughing until I thought my tummy was going to explode, deciding not to stress about getting taxi's home on the night of a big concert locally but instead to pitch a tent in a field behind the reception with other friends and family. Not worrying when we realised we had no pegs but fashioning makeshift replacements from bamboo and having fun.

Seeing Simon smile to himself and start by just singing under his breath but build up to being on the centre of the dance floor giving his all to the 'Time Warp' knowing although having never witnessed it myself but having heard about it from so many smiling recollections that he wasn't alone and was very much thinking of past 'Time Warps' as he was 'bending kneeeees innnnnn tiiiiiiiiyime' and one particularly 'insayaaaanne' warpee! xx

It was well into the night and on the same dance floor a little later where my most profound moment of the last few days , no weeks maybe even months occurred.

I was dancing with a partner of another of Simon's colleagues (who also happened to be the sister in law of the groom) When she introduced me to her mum who was also dancing, and she apologised to me!
She said she was trying to explain who I was to her mum and she had told her about our family and her mum had known that she had been to celebrate with us for Max's birthday and the only way she could find of describing who I was was as Max's Mum "you know the little boy with Downs Syndrome" and she said Sorry again. Now that isn't what I found profound it was how I replied that has effected me

"That's ok I am Max's mum" and I took her hands and said " and he does have Downs Syndrome, and that's OK too" and it really is.........

I've said before that I count us very lucky as we found acceptance early but it's moments like that which serve to remind me of how complete that acceptance is. I immediately shared this moment with Simon as it overwhelmed me with utter joy and relief "it's OK"

for him to smile with me and tell of a recent moment of realisation of his own.

He'd found himself working on a car belonging to a sister of an old friend, catching up in 10 minutes 10 years of of missed history as you do in those situations, and he told her about marrying me of Molly and Max the dog and of Max's diagnosis. He said to me as he talked of it he found himself feeling no disappointment no hint of sadness just utter pride and acceptance and joy in his children.
Thinking about all this has taken me back to a car journey home from the hospital having just been given the life changing news that things were not as we had planned or expected them. Digesting this news together and along with all the reassurances of love and the fears I've already shared here before. Simon said to me "we're going to be know as Simon and Vicki with the Down's baby" and I responded with "we are" but with half sadness. That's where the realisation of this weekend comes in because now I say " WE ARE AND THAT'S OK IN FACT IT'S MORE THEN OK BECAUSE HE'S BLOODY BRILLIANT" Oh and look at the necklace Molly saw and just had to have I think it pretty much says it don't you? xx

1 comment:

rosmcfadden said...

I want to say you're an inspiration, and you are but above that you are Molly and Max's mum and that's that! an amazing Mum though none the less x