Saturday, 25 September 2010

Attempting to Practice what I preach.

I found myself giving advise the best I could to a friend who's baby was born 9 weeks early this week and is currently being cared for in SCUBU (special care baby unit), getting stronger every day but it'll be too soon to tell if any other problems will present for some time.  I said to her mum to pass on from me that she can't worry about what might be and to concentrate on what is.  That there are too many variables in 'might' and it'll be crazy making to worry about all of them.  That she is strong and will cope with whatever crosses her path, good and bad.  That worrying won't change what will be and to enjoy every minute of her little family as it is today, grab every moment and hold on to it as tightly as she is desperate to hold that tiny miracle that is her baby. xx

The day after preaching this I felt myself spiral into blind panic about what 'might' be round the corner for us, after reading an article in a magazine about duel diagnosis (Autism and Down's Syndrome) the absolute dread I have of losing the wonderful connection I have with my son nearly swallowed me.  It's been an irrational fixation that I have occasionally let overcome me since that initial bombardment of information about everything that 'might' be facing us.  Of all those scary 'maybes' that is the one I can't seem to ignore as easily as the rest.
I had to remind myself of my own advise and take a great big gulp of it.

Not what 'might be' but what 'is'.  Like Simon said to me when I confided my fears.  "What are you going to do if it does happen? Stop Loving him?" NEVER.  It made me think and what I thought was, we would deal with it, make adjustments to our life and perspectives where necessary and as we have always done, move on. So I quote my wonderfully wise husband " What's the point in worrying about something that a)can not be prevented if that is what is meant to be and b) may never even happen?"

What is now is...... I have a beautiful 15 month old (well nearly) Son, who I've just registered for his place at mainstream pre-school.  Who at the moment is meeting almost all "typical" developmental milestones. Who every day baffles us with his achievements, who loves and laughs and hugs and chases the dog, who's face beams at the sight of his sister.  He creates a parameter around him that who ever crosses it can't help but be infected with the joy he permeates.
Now is also a change in our lifestyle, 10 years, our entire relationship we have never had regular weekends.  Simon's role at work has changed which now means we have every weekend.  Which means me no longer resenting a Sunday spent on his mini project as there is always next weekend!  Or the other way he no-longer will feel deprived of his own space as we make our demands on his few weekend days, as there is always next week.  The changeable days off have worked for us until now I think it's important to emphasise, it enabled me to work as he was able to take the pressure of childcare issue etc, and he has been able to be more involved in Molly's school and more easily available for appointments for Max.  However having said that we are so looking forward to no Sunday alarms :-)

Now is choosing the best middle school which meets moo's needs now,  trying not to put too much emphasis on the impact that decision will make on secondary schools yet.  Who knows where we'll be in four years so what is best now is what is important.

Now is watching my babies bond grow ever stronger as they play with jenga bricks together for hours.  Molly building and then shrieking with laughter as Max destroys .
So here I am mid way through the first weekend of every weekend, having watched x-factor while supping a cold beer, I take a deep breath and realise that now is, well it's simply fabulous.

"The past is gone!
The Future is not here yet!
All there really is, is now!"
Happy weekends xxx


sybloke said...


Anonymous said...

It never ceases to amaze me at the mature and wise words,perceptive and caring comment of this blog, this incite into family life makes me both laugh and cry in equal measure not least because it is so close to my heart:):)what a wonderful legacy for Molly and Max and inspiration for all young rally needs to be in print and if this sounds bias i just dont care!!!xxxx