Holidays and Swelling hearts

first day

It couldn't have started on a better note, an early start, a long drive broken with a glorious cooked breakfast and bright sunshine to welcome us to heaven sorry I mean Devon.




Nothing beats the feeling of sand between your toes and sun on your back. I could feel my skin soaking up the vitamin D and my shoulders loosening from tension I was barely aware of until it started to ease. The littlest baby dozing in the shade of his pram while his sister sank and swam and rode waves on her pride and joy a Tom & Jerry inflatable given to her on arrival by a great uncle and Aunt. Her confidence in the water astounding me , a mouthful of salty water doing no more then cause her to stick her tongue out 'blergh' shake her head and dive straight back in.













The perfect first day ending with laying cosy in bed with a mixture of the sound of the sea and the gentle deep breathing of my worn out babies lulling me to sleep with a background of serenading crickets.

It took a week to get used to no time frames, not having to be somewhere at a certain time and not getting stressed at the million and one things that always need doing before the thing you actually want to do. But I got there, I don't think I realised how relaxed I actually was until we got home and back on that roundabout of life that always moves at a hundred miles an hour.


Family

The thing that warmed my heart more then the sun this holiday was Molly and Max so completely at ease with extended family they've hardly seen, seeming to know instinctively they're loved. Being showered with affection and unconditional love and support. I can think of a dozen examples but will share my favourite few. Molly watching a show in the entertainment cosies up on her cousins lap. Loving the way 14 year old boys didn't flinch at holding their little 6 year old girl cousins hand and kissed snotty dribbly baby boy's chattering love and nonsense to him "You're my sexy little cousin ain't ya" . One of the evenings spent in the site club Molly grabbing her big cousins to dance with Sid & Lizzie the girls putting on a show of not wanting to but both in turn getting up with her and dancing sillyly... sitting down for a bit but this is where I witnessed 1st hand the protectiveness of cousins I have heard and read (on various networking sites) about amongst the older bunch. They immediately stepped in when they felt Molly was being left out and pushed away from the site troopers by another strong willed possessive little girls " We're gonna grab her and dance with her properly" Marching back over to the dance floor together and swing her round to make all that saw jealous :-))


I spent two weeks watching the way teenagers wind up their Mum's and Dad's and looking forward to my own babies teenage years with a mixture of dread...and excitement to know what characters my two will have and above all hope that as cheeky and irritating they might be that their hearts will be as obviously good as their big cousins xxxx












Surfer chick

Wow I'm a surf chick and I never knew it, well boogie boarding, body surfing, body boarding I don't know the official term but I do know I L.O.V.E it. Bobbing over the waves waiting on the board I felt so relaxed, at peace. Then the rush when I caught a wave and had to at the same time lean left or right to avoid other swimmers and stay on the board. Molly loved it too, Max just liked to dress the part. Simon on the other hand doesn't like the wet, being cold, the sand or tight things so we were a bit daft to ever think he might enjoy it ha ha I give him his due though he gave it a go.


































One rainy afternoon I made my escape, left the three of them napping and ran bare foot down to the beach to battle with mother nature, fighting my way out to find the right wave riding it in only to turn around and do battle again. When my tired body convinced me it'd had enough I could feel the pull on my legs of the tide going out or mother nature calling me back? It's a good job the pull of my Love and my babies is stronger otherwise I think I could become a beach bum, waiting tables to make ends meet waiting for the conditions to be just right for the ultimate ride.



Walking back up the beach in the rain, battered by the sea the heel of my footprint disappearing almost before my toe leaves the sand.
























Other Favourite bits

Max 's expressions and his new response to a firm NO
























A day at the dinosaur and Wildlife park, meeting monkeys and Lemar's up close and the odd prehistoric friend.




























Molly dancing on the middle of the dance floor in her own unique way. Wearing a bright yellow puff top which flashed me back 25 yearsish to another holiday disco and another little girl cutting some moves this time in bright yellow jump suite....

A day at a castle, disappointment at it not being a real castle just a Victorian version soon disappearing with Molly's enthusiasm and Max's excitement at riding on my back, a Little giggle escaping as soon as he realises he's going in the carrier.











Beach Days the four of us xxxxxxxxxxx



















The Sid and Lizzie show and the wonder both the littles had at the sight of the furry characters, we had to get some to bring home as reminders.

Those moments when worn out the littles slept and their Daddy and I could enjoy a social moment together.

Even packing up early and relief that we had already decided to replace our tent. RIP Normandy 5.

My most absolute favourite thing of all. Coming home xx Home is most definitely where the heart is even if a little bit of soul is left with the sea xxx

Breathing Deeply

Sorry if my blog feels abandoned. I promise I am collecting plenty of memories that I will be sharing when I can sit comfortably and dedicate the time to find the words to do justice to the experiences and feelings of this last week and the days to come. In the meantime I'll leave you with this picture of my heart pieces all washed and scrubbed after a day being beach babies.

WISH YOU WERE HERE xxxxxxxxxxxx

Poison and Antidote

The expression 'blood boiling' holds new meaning for me this week. I felt like I was going to explode like a volcano, spewing bile and hot lava everywhere. I didn't though, life finally having taught me patience and a little control I suppose.

I've discovered that anger like this is like a poison spreading to all aspects of your life it effects your mood and how you perceive all sorts of things. Tainting things that should taste sweet with bitterness. One moment you are content with your lot in life breathing deeply and easily and the next one act can create turmoil and confusion in your mind! If you allow it too! I am however extremely lucky to have a life filled with the perfect antidote to this poison.

Love and Laughter.


A Tuesday afternoon visit to the lake and park with family, where ducks are fed and little girls search for treasure upon their pirate ships.

And little boys all dressed ready for their first live football match pull some extreme swing stunts with expressions that make hearts sing and laugh.

Little girls can strut!

West Ham our family team visit our local squad for a pre-season friendly, away end tickets are arranged and our littles are wrapped up like teddies and get to experience their first live football match....... C'MON YOU IRONSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Creating memories.

Clearly our babies are lucky charms 2-0 fantastic. Daddy was chuffed to say the least!!!

Picnics with friends at the lake, while kids get grubby collecting (bark) treasure. Mum's catch up and wipe bird mess off each other's bums of course "trying not let it wobble". Ohhhh time with friends always lifts me even when I'm not low. I always float home.

Visits from school friends that are not allowed to be spoiled by the weather. " the best picnic EVER" moved indoors. I would never have imagined 3 six year old girls could consume sooooooo much fruit sandwiches, cakes, crisps and sweets!! but they did!!

Meanwhile the bond between boy and dog grows ever stronger!

The weekend concluding with a bumcow sleepover (my word those girls create a stink in their sleep) and our pooch making us proud and winning a rosette at a local show. Well done Woody Dog we moan a lot but we love you xxxxxxx He would have won more but the girls were judges of the waggiest tail and that wouldn't have been fair :-)

Although the anger is still there it is cooled I have too much to enjoy to waste time bubbling!! I am just going to soak up as much antidote as I can and count my lucky stars for it xxxxx

It's OK

I don't know what's up with me but I seem to have had a few more 'meaningful moments' this last few days, from the simple moments of relaxation at a community picnic where Molly could run off and be free with her friends and practise circus skills whilst Max and I sat on a blanket surrounded by people enjoying just sitting on the grass picnicking with their families.

To walking into the living room expecting to find Simon on the phone when in fact the gentle rumble of his voice I'd been hearing was him sharing a story with our enthralled son all relaxed ready for bed.

Saying goodbye and thank you to a much appreciated professional as she moves on to pastures new but at the same time welcoming new friends into our consciousness and mobile address book making plans for the term ahead and for mutual support!

Enjoying the sweetest (in so many ways) hot chocolate made and served to us by examples of pure determination and achievement in a tiny little cafe / bakery which I will from now on be frequenting with as many friends as possible to surround myself with the magic which comes with that little extra chromosome, where Max's nose will be tweaked so gently and with such joy and where all are welcome and accepted.

Enjoying just being with my husband, just Simon and Vicki at a wedding of his colleagues, watching and joining the revelry and laughing until I thought my tummy was going to explode, deciding not to stress about getting taxi's home on the night of a big concert locally but instead to pitch a tent in a field behind the reception with other friends and family. Not worrying when we realised we had no pegs but fashioning makeshift replacements from bamboo and having fun.

Seeing Simon smile to himself and start by just singing under his breath but build up to being on the centre of the dance floor giving his all to the 'Time Warp' knowing although having never witnessed it myself but having heard about it from so many smiling recollections that he wasn't alone and was very much thinking of past 'Time Warps' as he was 'bending kneeeees innnnnn tiiiiiiiiyime' and one particularly 'insayaaaanne' warpee! xx

It was well into the night and on the same dance floor a little later where my most profound moment of the last few days , no weeks maybe even months occurred.

I was dancing with a partner of another of Simon's colleagues (who also happened to be the sister in law of the groom) When she introduced me to her mum who was also dancing, and she apologised to me!
She said she was trying to explain who I was to her mum and she had told her about our family and her mum had known that she had been to celebrate with us for Max's birthday and the only way she could find of describing who I was was as Max's Mum "you know the little boy with Downs Syndrome" and she said Sorry again. Now that isn't what I found profound it was how I replied that has effected me

"That's ok I am Max's mum" and I took her hands and said " and he does have Downs Syndrome, and that's OK too" and it really is.........

I've said before that I count us very lucky as we found acceptance early but it's moments like that which serve to remind me of how complete that acceptance is. I immediately shared this moment with Simon as it overwhelmed me with utter joy and relief "it's OK"

for him to smile with me and tell of a recent moment of realisation of his own.

He'd found himself working on a car belonging to a sister of an old friend, catching up in 10 minutes 10 years of of missed history as you do in those situations, and he told her about marrying me of Molly and Max the dog and of Max's diagnosis. He said to me as he talked of it he found himself feeling no disappointment no hint of sadness just utter pride and acceptance and joy in his children.

Thinking about all this has taken me back to a car journey home from the hospital having just been given the life changing news that things were not as we had planned or expected them. Digesting this news together and along with all the reassurances of love and the fears I've already shared here before. Simon said to me "we're going to be know as Simon and Vicki with the Down's baby" and I responded with "we are" but with half sadness. That's where the realisation of this weekend comes in because now I say " WE ARE AND THAT'S OK IN FACT IT'S MORE THEN OK BECAUSE HE'S BLOODY BRILLIANT" Oh and look at the necklace Molly saw and just had to have I think it pretty much says it don't you? xx

Perspective

We all have tough days, those days that start all wrong running late in the morning only for the car to choose not to start, then you get to school and find you forgot to put the buggy in the boot and have to now carry that stone of wiggling energy at half a run in order to catch the playground door and avoid having to sign in late.

To arrive home and find the dog has decided to empty cupboards and have a ton of fun with the oven gloves and carrier bags all over the kitchen. Then forgetting to move the bowl of cereal out of the reach of the baby when nipping to the front door for the post! One word WEETABIX!!

The dog to then to decide that this particular morning it'll be fun to dig in the garden and drag his smelly love blanket through the house which had just had a mad couple of hours spent on it sweeping, dusting, hoovering and mopping!!

Cutting it fine leaving to pick Molly up from school only to have the baby dirty his nappy just as we really must be going out the front door.

Spending an age in tesco's deliberating what sauce to buy, rushing home in the 20 mins left before drama finishes to put the chicken in the oven so it''ll be cooked in time for Molly to get to bed only to realise that I left the Sauce on the self checkout till!! Plain chicken it is, maybe I'll mix it up with a bit of gravy ;-)

Nothing here out of the ordinary and nine days out of ten all this would be like water off a ducks back taken in my stride as part and parcel of a busy family life, however I don't think there is any shame in admitting that whether due to hormones, tiredness or a combination of both some days it's just hard, where every task is an obstacle between me and bed. Where my mood permeates and surely creates further annoyances like the washing up refusing to co-operate and stack on the drainer with out tumbling off again and again, when if I would simply be in less of a hurry and dry some up first there would be no frustration.

Then Max looks at me like this.

Or Molly asks "can I help Mummy?"

and I remember how fabulously lucky I am. How with all the things we could be having to worry about the fact that I forgot washing up liquid in the shops is not a big deal!

I think of my friend who just found out her little girl is going to need surgery to correct bad hips and how stressful a time that is going to be for her to deal with whilst still meeting the needs of three other angels and their Daddy! But having confidence that she will do it with utter style and grace and make it seem effortless (Although I'm sure it's not) as she always does being the absolute natural Mummy that she is. x

Or our friends who after losing all material things in a house fire are having to spend their days chasing insurance companies and builders relying on other people in order to be able to re build a home for their children. Doing this all with humour and style and still finding time to just have a cuppa with a friend having a 'tough day`

I climb in to bed on these days after soaking away some woes and gaining perspective on the rest knowing that bad day's don't exist in my world as long as I can remember what is important and that tomorrow is after all another day and look what greets me in the mornings xx

Summer Tonic

There is nothing like the British BBQ, cold beers, hot food excited kids chatter, laughter and belly giggles that almost hurt. Everyone shouting louder and louder to be heard above the good natured buzz. Snuggling under extra jumpers as the night brings in a chill. There is a perfectly good couch in a warm living room but all choose to sit and shiver together outside.

All the "do you remember 25p for a witches hats" and "John you know John who lived at......." Sharing stories of childhood rebellion and gentle teasing and reminiscing of way back whens.

Time spent surrounded by the company of friends all comfortable in their own skin and in each others presence is to me like the best tonic this earth has to offer. Food for the soul.