I LOVE MY FRIENDS

There are just too many pictures to choose from, too many friends too many years.  So instead I'll steal a quote I first read on a brother of a friends Facebook status and once posted as my own status it popped up so many more times on my feed clearly ringing "true" with my friends.

"They say true friends can go long periods of time without speaking and never question the friendship.  These types of friends pick up as if they have spoken yesterday, regardless of how long it's been or how far away they live and don't hold grudges.  They understand life is busy but you will ALWAYS love them"

I think of my friends like one huge ancient tree.  There are those at the core, the 'roots' who ground and support everything.  From these roots I have been lucky to meet new people and grow so many boughs of friendship in turn sprouting more branches and more twigs.  As I move forward with my journey through the forest of life every year there are new people introduced, new buds and flowers and fruits of friendships.  Some of these will run their course, a season or two then fall away from the tree to distance and set their own roots growing.  However never forgotten and often branches will cross entwining again as our trees grow into the future. Then there are those buds of friendship which grow to be big fat branches becoming like supports to the whole.

Each of these buds, roots, branches, boughs or leaves are all equally as important.  Each serving there own purpose, some for the big moments, holding me steady through storms.  Others to decorate my life with frivolous laughter, joy and joviality, those to break and fall with me.

Then there are those for all of the above.

Many of these amazing people I call by names other then there own actual name.  Nicknames some would say I however prefer 'terms of endearment' ;-)
These names all came from somewhere, some event or incident or other.  Many of which I can't remember.  One a simple childhood nick name long forgotten by most however I rarely use any other reference for her.  Another simply was a phrase adopted from the kids and again is hardly ever dropped for their true names.
I can't remember where one of the most important started but it is used so much in replacement that Molly forgets her actual name, it's even sprung a spin off term of endearment for her baby girl too.

Splats, Warlys,  Bo's, bears, Gnomeys and of course Birds, Loobells and Bumcows the list goes on.  Just know when I refer or call you by one of these strange names what I'm really saying is.

I love you
I appreciate you
you are important to me
and I am grateful every day to be blessed with you in my life and for the light you shine on this path it's taking me on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fluff and Stuff

My last couple of posts have been a bit deep and introspective, not so positive and that isn't a true reflection of the last couple of weeks.  There have been some 'big' moments but there have also been plenty of fluff and stuff.

Sometimes when I think of the future it can be a little dark and scary but all it takes is a spur of the moment decision to lunch at the McIntyre coffee shop with Simon and the babies to shine a bright brilliant light and remind me of my promise to myself to live and enjoy the now.  Starting with the best tasting egg and bacon sandwich with just the right amount of crisps on the side, and seeing Molly helping our waitress find what she wanted to order on her form with out any hesitation and in turn Sarah (our waitress) bringing out a selection of straws for Molly to choose from and thoroughly spoiling them both with what ever she could find be it special stickers or just letting Max play with a menu. http://www.macintyrecharity.org/ They are just wonderful and Simon could not leave without taking a baked on site donut for later.

Then came a Saturday night spent with family,  a wonderful snuggle with my nephew as he chose to drink his milk on my lap.  His quiet response to my whispered "I love you Harry" a simple "yeahhhhhhhhhhhh" :-)).  Simon arriving late after his evening being a superstar DJ, nervously approaching his Aunt to kiss hello knowing the the slap was coming too but still surprised by it.  Gently greeting his Nan, then hunting down Molly and checking on the sleeping Max with a glance over the pram.  Oh my chuckle muscle got a work out that night, watching Aunts dancing and squabbling over the next track teasing Simon and almost jumping on him to drag him to dance.

There were feelings of relief for my Mum that she finally has her new knee and that her road to recovery is well under way overriding the guilt I feel in not being able to do enough to support her.

The sun coming out to help warm the backs of those who's hearts were already warm watching friends making their promise to love unconditionally forever as they wed.  Every part of the afternoon was beautiful,from the bride and the ceremony to the kids running around investigating the gardens finding little nooks to tuck away in, adults laughing taking photo's.

Dancing at a wedding, nothing beats it!

Molly, her excitement at returning to school, how grown up she is.  The rain timed perfectly as usual, heavens opening at 3pm on the dot, ready to soak the waiting parents.  Molly the very last out having returned for a forgotten lunch box.  The non-stop chatter as her friend came home as usual for a Monday (they both go to drama together) So comfortable with each other, rolling eyes when the other says something silly but with genuine affection.  Absolute proof of her thriving not only in her learning but socially was when asked what she'd done on her first day as usual the response "I can't remember" so I asked how she knew she'd had a good day " because my brain is warm and that means I'm happy".  What a wonderful answer what more could I ask for?

Max's mohawk, it naturally seems to want to sit that way so why fight it?  I gave in this week and tried out a little spray and hold  :-o He is such a little dude.

He has now mastered the sitting from laying, he seems to throw himself down just so he can sit up again.  He has greeted me the last few mornings sitting bolt upright in his cot, obviously having had a bundle with his soft toys still in his grow bag.  He just keeps leaping forward reaching milestones and astounding us with his achievements.  Oh and look at his new camera smile, we can't seem to get any other expression now as he pulls this face as soon as he sees the camera.

Being able to be there for friends as they take huge steps at the beginning of their fresh start, if all I can do is make it a clean one free of builders dust and grime then my word I will.......

Now I'm looking forward to celebrating a certain little Haribo's 2 nd birthday.  Blimey do I love that boy!  My heart sings every time he shouts "ICKY" and now he's even signing Hello and More just to support us and his little cousin.  What a clever boy xxxxxxxxx

OOoooh how could I forget?  The new bed....... WOW what a difference.  We returned from holiday having slept on an air mattress for two weeks and only suffering slight niggles here and there which you would expect of someone who has post natal and SPD lower back and joint issues and her husband who has a recovering perforated disc!!! Well a night and a half in our own bed and I was aching like I've only known in the full heat of late pregnancy and SPD and Simon looked like that disc was about to spill out again.  So we pumped him with anti-inflammatory and went back to the air mattress only on the floor in our bedroom not the mole hilled ground of North Devon....... It was like a miracle cure!  So next chance we had we were off to the retail park and shopped and bartered until we had secured us the gorgeous bedstead I'd always wanted and the God of all mattress's.  Tonight is the 5th night and I don't think we have used our front room this week!  On that note I'm off to bed now Night Night xxxxxlol

My Girl

I need to spend some time just me and my girl, I feel like all I do at the moment is berate her.  I love her more then life and miss her every second I'm not with her but then almost as soon as she's there I'm irritated again, bless her.  She is so loving so clever so energetic but I'm finding her such hard work at the moment.

I'm confident that it's a phase all this stropping when things don't go her way, forgetting manners, being greedy and maybe my patience is stretched due to such alot going on recently and six weeks of no school.

I also think that a little bit of the green eyed monster is making an appearance a year on ?  Her little brother is a person in his own right now, making his presence known in more ways then just the cute baby cry of last summer.  He's sitting with us at the table for meals now,  dinner as a four and not a three with the baby sleeping in the corner, pulling hair at every opportunity, little toys no-longer allowed downstairs 'because 'Max might get them'.

She loves him oh there's no doubt there but........five and half years with Mum and Dad to your self is a long time, now the novelty has worn off no wonder her nose is out of joint a little, even if she doesn't realise it.
Also the idea of a brother is great, ready made side kick..... But the reality is the age gap means she's still on her own at parties, , holidays, trips to the park, everyone else's brothers are there sticking together getting involved and she's still there on her own Max too little yet.

Maybe I'm reading too much into things, after all she's only six, isn't she entitled to be a little brat bag now and again? ;-) Bottom line is I miss laughing with my girl and I need to find something to do just the two of us to have some fun no nagging.

Things about Six year old Molly I want to remember

The way she tells me off for referring to her as little 'I'm not little anymore mummmm I'm middle sized'

Her continued love of Scooby Doo.

The way she looks forward to the return to school.

Her Passion for reading and the way she always has at least three books on the go.

Her changing awareness and the way she no longer takes everything we say as absolute any more she needs more convincing of magic (don't worry we're still able to help her believe)

Her imagination and ability to find magic and mystery on a simple dog walk, a fairy hunt or leaf crumble.

Her developing sense of self and the way she's beginning to express that in her choices what to wear.  'do I look like I rock out mum?' lol

Molly Molly mooooo I love youoooooooo xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Orthotic schhhmotic!

Of all the things we could have had to worry about and haven't and I'm crying over a pair of shoes!!! I feel so shallow but he is my cool dude, he like his sister has the best we can provide.  Why just because he has a disability should he have to 'look / dress' any different from any other child? Like a 'disabled' uniform?

Please don't misunderstand me I am in no way ashamed of anything different Max has to do or face or wear, I have nothing but love and pride in my son and feel no need to disguise or try and deny any of his physical or developmental differences. It's just I hate limitations of any kind being put on him and I feel robbed of that special moment when you go out and get their feet measured then spend an age choosing from a row of cute boots, shoes trainers.

The fact is our choice has been limited to......well no choice there's one pair of boots.!!!!  The man measuring him up trying to be kind said 'they're just like any little pair of white boots you would buy in the shops'!  The thing is I would NEVER have considered 'little white boots' for him NEVER!  Oh oh 'but they can come with little blue laces now' doesn't change a thing they are plain awful!!!!!!!!!

I am utterly ashamed of myself for this ridiculously image led reaction, but I swore from the moment I found out how much of a miracle he truly was that he would never fit the stereotypical image I had in my head and in my ignorance was terrified by in those initial seconds after being given his diagnosis.  I so soon learned that this image was a complete misconception and that it was up to us to try and help those misconceptions and prejudices disappear from society one friend / acquaintance at a time, leading by example.

Still having said that I am ashamed of the strength of my disappointment that he won't have 'cool' first shoes what ever they are really, but it is how I feel and I can't do anything but acknowledge that, try to make sense of it and move on.  Well that will be the aim anyway, for now I'll just let myself cry when I think too long on it.

This whole experience we call life is one big learning curve, the steepest part of that is learning about ourselves.  I never knew I could be so shallow and pathetic but now I do I can do something about it, namely to change this about myself.

Most importantly I will have perspective, Love and nurture Max and teach him to be proud of his differences even his white boots with blue laces, after all they'll be 'cool' once he's wearing them ;-)

Holidays and Swelling hearts

first day

It couldn't have started on a better note, an early start, a long drive broken with a glorious cooked breakfast and bright sunshine to welcome us to heaven sorry I mean Devon.




Nothing beats the feeling of sand between your toes and sun on your back. I could feel my skin soaking up the vitamin D and my shoulders loosening from tension I was barely aware of until it started to ease. The littlest baby dozing in the shade of his pram while his sister sank and swam and rode waves on her pride and joy a Tom & Jerry inflatable given to her on arrival by a great uncle and Aunt. Her confidence in the water astounding me , a mouthful of salty water doing no more then cause her to stick her tongue out 'blergh' shake her head and dive straight back in.













The perfect first day ending with laying cosy in bed with a mixture of the sound of the sea and the gentle deep breathing of my worn out babies lulling me to sleep with a background of serenading crickets.

It took a week to get used to no time frames, not having to be somewhere at a certain time and not getting stressed at the million and one things that always need doing before the thing you actually want to do. But I got there, I don't think I realised how relaxed I actually was until we got home and back on that roundabout of life that always moves at a hundred miles an hour.


Family

The thing that warmed my heart more then the sun this holiday was Molly and Max so completely at ease with extended family they've hardly seen, seeming to know instinctively they're loved. Being showered with affection and unconditional love and support. I can think of a dozen examples but will share my favourite few. Molly watching a show in the entertainment cosies up on her cousins lap. Loving the way 14 year old boys didn't flinch at holding their little 6 year old girl cousins hand and kissed snotty dribbly baby boy's chattering love and nonsense to him "You're my sexy little cousin ain't ya" . One of the evenings spent in the site club Molly grabbing her big cousins to dance with Sid & Lizzie the girls putting on a show of not wanting to but both in turn getting up with her and dancing sillyly... sitting down for a bit but this is where I witnessed 1st hand the protectiveness of cousins I have heard and read (on various networking sites) about amongst the older bunch. They immediately stepped in when they felt Molly was being left out and pushed away from the site troopers by another strong willed possessive little girls " We're gonna grab her and dance with her properly" Marching back over to the dance floor together and swing her round to make all that saw jealous :-))


I spent two weeks watching the way teenagers wind up their Mum's and Dad's and looking forward to my own babies teenage years with a mixture of dread...and excitement to know what characters my two will have and above all hope that as cheeky and irritating they might be that their hearts will be as obviously good as their big cousins xxxx












Surfer chick

Wow I'm a surf chick and I never knew it, well boogie boarding, body surfing, body boarding I don't know the official term but I do know I L.O.V.E it. Bobbing over the waves waiting on the board I felt so relaxed, at peace. Then the rush when I caught a wave and had to at the same time lean left or right to avoid other swimmers and stay on the board. Molly loved it too, Max just liked to dress the part. Simon on the other hand doesn't like the wet, being cold, the sand or tight things so we were a bit daft to ever think he might enjoy it ha ha I give him his due though he gave it a go.


































One rainy afternoon I made my escape, left the three of them napping and ran bare foot down to the beach to battle with mother nature, fighting my way out to find the right wave riding it in only to turn around and do battle again. When my tired body convinced me it'd had enough I could feel the pull on my legs of the tide going out or mother nature calling me back? It's a good job the pull of my Love and my babies is stronger otherwise I think I could become a beach bum, waiting tables to make ends meet waiting for the conditions to be just right for the ultimate ride.



Walking back up the beach in the rain, battered by the sea the heel of my footprint disappearing almost before my toe leaves the sand.
























Other Favourite bits

Max 's expressions and his new response to a firm NO
























A day at the dinosaur and Wildlife park, meeting monkeys and Lemar's up close and the odd prehistoric friend.




























Molly dancing on the middle of the dance floor in her own unique way. Wearing a bright yellow puff top which flashed me back 25 yearsish to another holiday disco and another little girl cutting some moves this time in bright yellow jump suite....

A day at a castle, disappointment at it not being a real castle just a Victorian version soon disappearing with Molly's enthusiasm and Max's excitement at riding on my back, a Little giggle escaping as soon as he realises he's going in the carrier.











Beach Days the four of us xxxxxxxxxxx



















The Sid and Lizzie show and the wonder both the littles had at the sight of the furry characters, we had to get some to bring home as reminders.

Those moments when worn out the littles slept and their Daddy and I could enjoy a social moment together.

Even packing up early and relief that we had already decided to replace our tent. RIP Normandy 5.

My most absolute favourite thing of all. Coming home xx Home is most definitely where the heart is even if a little bit of soul is left with the sea xxx

Breathing Deeply

Sorry if my blog feels abandoned. I promise I am collecting plenty of memories that I will be sharing when I can sit comfortably and dedicate the time to find the words to do justice to the experiences and feelings of this last week and the days to come. In the meantime I'll leave you with this picture of my heart pieces all washed and scrubbed after a day being beach babies.

WISH YOU WERE HERE xxxxxxxxxxxx

Poison and Antidote

The expression 'blood boiling' holds new meaning for me this week. I felt like I was going to explode like a volcano, spewing bile and hot lava everywhere. I didn't though, life finally having taught me patience and a little control I suppose.

I've discovered that anger like this is like a poison spreading to all aspects of your life it effects your mood and how you perceive all sorts of things. Tainting things that should taste sweet with bitterness. One moment you are content with your lot in life breathing deeply and easily and the next one act can create turmoil and confusion in your mind! If you allow it too! I am however extremely lucky to have a life filled with the perfect antidote to this poison.

Love and Laughter.


A Tuesday afternoon visit to the lake and park with family, where ducks are fed and little girls search for treasure upon their pirate ships.

And little boys all dressed ready for their first live football match pull some extreme swing stunts with expressions that make hearts sing and laugh.

Little girls can strut!

West Ham our family team visit our local squad for a pre-season friendly, away end tickets are arranged and our littles are wrapped up like teddies and get to experience their first live football match....... C'MON YOU IRONSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Creating memories.

Clearly our babies are lucky charms 2-0 fantastic. Daddy was chuffed to say the least!!!

Picnics with friends at the lake, while kids get grubby collecting (bark) treasure. Mum's catch up and wipe bird mess off each other's bums of course "trying not let it wobble". Ohhhh time with friends always lifts me even when I'm not low. I always float home.

Visits from school friends that are not allowed to be spoiled by the weather. " the best picnic EVER" moved indoors. I would never have imagined 3 six year old girls could consume sooooooo much fruit sandwiches, cakes, crisps and sweets!! but they did!!

Meanwhile the bond between boy and dog grows ever stronger!

The weekend concluding with a bumcow sleepover (my word those girls create a stink in their sleep) and our pooch making us proud and winning a rosette at a local show. Well done Woody Dog we moan a lot but we love you xxxxxxx He would have won more but the girls were judges of the waggiest tail and that wouldn't have been fair :-)

Although the anger is still there it is cooled I have too much to enjoy to waste time bubbling!! I am just going to soak up as much antidote as I can and count my lucky stars for it xxxxx